Hello Again

The last time i blogged was back in 2013 when i thought i was going to be a writer, i was about 15 and a Sophomore in high school. Thinking about that now seems so long ago now that i've graduated and so much stuff in my life has changed. I definitely don't want to be a writer, i believe this was just a outlet for me to express my feelings and it just so happens i am pretty good at English and got an A every year. I've always enjoyed writing fiction or non-fiction depending the assignment in school but it was more of a hobby and something that made me happy but i would never pursue as a career. For as long as i know i have wanted to be in the medical field, since the fourth grade i wanted to be a veterinarian because of my love for animals, but again i no longer want to do that. They say you change your major in college a minimum of 3 times, i have already changed it twice and i haven't even started college yet. But to this day i am set on what i want to do and i am pretty confident i will not change my mind again. Nothing excites me more than wanting to start college and taking classes towards a career that i know i will love and playing the sport i love on top of that all at the same time. Reading my blog today made me laugh because the things i wrote about are no longer relevant in my life, well some of the things. I have always been a very emotional person and i am not ashamed of that but also sometimes it isn't a great trait to have. When i am happy i get overwhelmed with happiness but when i am upset sadness runs through my body to no end, and that is the part i don't like about being such an emotional person. Some people might not believe this is as big of a deal as i did/do, but going through a friend break up is one of the worst things I've ever felt. I understand you are young and so hopeful that people are good and you aren't always aware of the bad or you are but you just try to ignore it until you finally can't anymore. Having a best friend for 5 years or longer seems to me to be a big deal, there will always be bickering and maybe some small feuds but you think at this point you are past all the beginners stuff. No one is perfect and that is a fact and i do respect that but there is only so much you can do to a person before you can't forgive anymore. A best friend isn't supposed to make you feel like you're unimportant and not appreciated enough or an option. I was the kid who thought how you feel about a particlur person they usually feel the exact same way, but i was wrong and i know that now. I don't believe people ever really get over things like they say they do, there will always be a small piece that you will hold on to and never forget. In the beginning i tried to stay strong and acted like i wasn't affected by it but deep down i was drowning, luckily i had other great friends by my side but you can't just throw 5 years of a friendship away and not feel anything. And when it hits you all at once it does and it hurts like a bitch, those are called feelings, and for an overly emotional person like me it felt like a piece of me was broken. A lot of people believe that the friends you have in middle school or high school you will all forget about when you graduate and move on and to a certain extent that is true, but being in the moment you aren't thinking that, you hope that that wont happen to you and that even after you graduate from high school your friendship is strong enough to stay together and continue your new lives with those friends by your side. You know when you have a real connection with someone and they know everything about you and you confide in them and they are someone you see everyday and that is hard to just forget about when its over. It is hard for me to explain this to people and that is why i don't try, my mom and i have had this conversation many times and i don't think she full understands how i feel. I get it people change and you can't do anything about that because that is there decision but its hard to watch someone you care about so much turn into a person you don't even know anymore, and i never felt like i had the right to try and change that because that is their decision and not yours. I hate that i am such a coward about it like it should be easy to confront this person you shared everything with for 5 years and tell them how you feel but i just couldn't do it. This happened over a year ago and i can still say whenever it is brought up or i think about it the feelings flood back in because i am not healed from it and it makes me nervous to trust that people will always be there for you when in a split second they could leave. Ive always looked up to my mom's friendship with her best friend because they have been friends since high school and my mom is now 42 and even know they don't see each other day they are still in each others lives and talk and make time for each other when they can, it is indeed possible even after your lives have started and you have kids that you can have someone there for you through it all. That is all i want someone to laugh with and cry with and just understand you in a way not everyone does, best friends are supposed to make your life happy not bringing you down. I know i have been focusing on all of the negative but there as so much positive to it too and thinking about those memories do make me happy but its just hard now with no longer being in each others lives to be happy for feel the same way i did when things were good, and I'm scared now because if we do come into each others lives again i won't feel the same because there is too much hurt and i don't know if she has changed as a person. That was my rant for the day, i had a lot of stuff i needed to get off my chest and it has been built up so much for a while it just all came out.

Sophomore Year ♥

Well its Sophomore Year. I honestly cant believe it is already here. Just yesterday I remember being excited about being a Freshmen, its honestly crazy how time flies. I am so lucky & greatful for all the family and friends in my life. I have so many people there for me, especially mu friends. My best friend Mary from 8th grade is still by my side everyday even if we can't be at school together. And my friend Cozette who I love so much because she always makes me laugh & we always have a good time because we both love the same things like Softball. Last but not least Jamie my best friend that I met Freshmen year basketball. I have never met anyone like her, it's like when I saw her I knew we would be friends because she is like my twin. We are so much a like its crazy, and I love spending everyday with her at school and just loving life together. Everything has been going well besides the fact that I failed my permit test. It really sucks because I was really looking forward to being able to drive, and it made me really upset knowing that in failed. I'm going to study as hard as I can because I am ready to pass and start driving. Until Later. -That Girl Hayley

Family

It Happened, the day i have been waiting for for years. My Uncle from Sandiego that i haven't seen in forever came and he is staying at my house. I am so glad he came i don't even have the words to say it, he is funny and a big eater but best of all he is my uncle. Everyone has family but a lot of times you don't get to see a lot of them I think that everyone should get in contact with family memebers they haven't see since they were little or whenever. The only time i ever talked to my uncle was when i was 5 or on the phone since then i am still thankful i got to even talk to him. Family is great but when they are with you it's greater take advantage of your family being with you and hangin out with you, you never know if it will be the last time you see them. I loved the smile on my dad's face when he was hanging out with his brother and talking to him i knew he was happy and so was me my mom and sister. I dedicate this blog to my Uncle Jon.

Friends

Everyone has friends, and they are great they are there for you and you hang out with them and do fun stuff. But there is something people just don't understand my favorite quote " You don't know what you got til it's gone". In a friendship you should not have to lie to your friends even if you want attention or you are jealous friends love you for who you are you don't have to change to be cool or different. If you lie to your friends then they can't trust you and that sucks, it's like you have really good news and you tell your friends and they have to stop and think is this true, that shouldn't have to happen. Then after they lie to you all the time then your friends think is she/he worth it if they lie to us all the time, something like that is happening with me and my friends and i hate it because i love my friend but she shouldn't have to lie to me. Thats why i am telling everyone if you have a best friend or a friend you really care about talk to your friends about this kinda of stuff explain to them that you love them for who they are. If you explain that to your friends it will make them feel better and they know they don't have to lie to get attention or to be cool because they are great at who they are.

Stop Animal Abuse!

Animals are a great thing in life, they are fun to play with they are with you in hard times they are always there. If anyone watches Animal Planet you see the thousands of animals that are being abused in a year, it is heart breaking seeing an animal suffer because there owner beats them or doesn't feed them. I want to stop animal abuse!!! The Animal Cops save so many animals from that but there are always a few left behind, the only reason a animal should die is from old age or being sick. No one knows why people beat there animals, if you don't want to take care of a animal or love an animal then don't buy ONE! I am an animal lover i love animals from scales to fur and i want to help the animals that are in need. If anyone of you see the adds on Tv about only 19.99 a month to feed or pay for medical help then do it you are saving an animals life and it will make you feel so much better. ever since i was little i have loved animals i want to become a vet when i go into collage, I have two dogs and a gerbil and i look at them and say why does someone want to hurt such a sweet, kind animal? If you think animal abuse should stop make a difference do something about it.

Sports

Sports are fun but challenging and exciting but hard working. I love sports and i encourage everyone to play sports, it keeps you in shape but you meet new friends and learn how to do another thing. I play Softball and Baseketball every year and i love it working together as a team acompplishing something feels great! I love playing the game and feeling the wind hit your face when you are running to the base, after feeling joy after you make a good play for your team, evern when i am pitching to the batter feeling the ball roll of my hands. Sports are not easy to learn but if you want to work for it to get better then do it it's a blast!!! I work hard for what i do andi don't back down, and everyday i say to myself wow i got this far from not even knowing how to play and now i am great because i worked for it. I take time out of the week after homework to throw in the backyard with my dad and go to softball practice twice a week. I think everyone should find something that looks interesting and try and if you love it just keep going and you will get better, but if the sport you try out doesn't work out for you try something else don't get bummed there is always something out there you are good at.

Brothers and Sisters

Everyone knows how little kids are and older kids are. They also know how brothers and sisters are,it's difficult. You are expected to be a role model for your younger sybling and that is what all of us try to do. But when you do something wrong it feeds of on to your younger sybling and they think it is right to do but it isn't and then you feel bad because you showed your brother or sister something wrong. I know that all of us have made mistakes and showing our younger syblings these things, and i know i have and i regret them very much. It is like the Golden Rule treat people how you want to be treated if you show your brother or sister the right thing that is how they will treat you. I haven't been a great role model lately i have been making some bad choices and not showing my sister the good person i am. I don't want my sister to make the same mistakes i di. even know syblings are a pain in the butt you still love them and care about them. So i am asking everyone to be a good role model to there brothers and sisters show them right not wrong.